


still a no on the pet party

by whitchry9



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Animals, Gen, Humor, Pets, clint definitely has a chicken and I've named her rosetta, her exploits can be found on my blog, team fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-13 00:50:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4501428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitchry9/pseuds/whitchry9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When everyone moves into the Tower, they bring pets with them. Some of them Tony expected, but others... well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	still a no on the pet party

It was actually easier to get everyone to move into the tower than Tony thought it would be.

 

Bruce was first, of course. He moved in nearly right after the battle, going home with Tony after sending Loki and Thor off.

 

He only had one condition.

“Are pets allowed?” he asked.

Tony snorted. “Of course.” He frowned. “Unless it's something ridiculous like an elephant. That's a bit big. I'd have to put an extension on. It's not an elephant, is it?”

“No,” Bruce assured him. “Nothing like that.”

“Then yes.”

 

That was the last discussion they had about pets. Tony assumed he brought a pet, but never asked what.

 

* * *

 

Steve went off to find himself, or whatever, Tony wasn't entirely sure, but he came back within a week and showed up on Tony's proverbial doorstep.

 

It was weeks later when he finally worked up the courage to ask. Or that's what Tony thought anyway.

“Are pets allowed?” Steve asked over breakfast. “I always wanted a pet, but I've never had the chance before.”

Tony blinked at him. “Well, I'm hardly going to refuse that. A sob story from Captain America about how he always wanted a dog or something growing up? I will not be the person responsible for breaking the icon of this country. You get a pet if you want.”

“I don't want a dog,” Steve called after him, but Tony had already left the table.

 

* * *

 

Natasha, and thus Clint by extension, didn't so much ask as they did inform.

Of course, Tony also emerged from his workshop one night to just find the two of them in his kitchen, Clint eating cereal from a mug while sitting on the counter. Apparently they'd gotten out of whatever SHIELD facility they'd been sent to, and moved in while he wasn't looking.

“Our rooms are great, thanks,” she told him, nodding.

Tony hadn't slept in at least two days, and could only nod back at that.

“We both brought pets, but they won't be found on the main floors. But just in case you decide to go wandering around our floors, don't,” she warned.

Clint slurped at his cereal loudly, and Tony left without getting the coffee he came for.

He couldn't deal with them right then.

 

* * *

 

When Thor came back to Earth, he was only too happy to move in.

Of course, he had to ask as well.

“Are animals allowed in your place of residence?”

Tony frowned, because who the hell knew what kind of animals they had for pets on Asgard?

“Well, what kind of animals?” he asked.

“Lady Jane has assured me they are indeed kept as pets. This high,” he indicated with his hand, crouching over to place it at knee level.

“Oh sure then. As long as it's something from Earth. I don't want to have to deal with alien animals. God, the permits I'd have to get just to have them in New York.” He shuddered.

Thor laughed, and patted Tony's shoulder.

 

* * *

 

The thing was, even though they'd all asked about or otherwise indicated that they had animals, Tony hadn't seen any of them so far.

He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

 

The only ones he really trusted to not have dangerous and possibly venomous animals were Bruce and Steve. As for Natasha, Clint, and Thor, well... He tended to stay off their floors. Just in case.

 

* * *

 

It was a bit hard to avoid the animals when Thor brought his to a movie night, about six months after moving in.

 

And honestly, out of all the animals Tony could have guessed, goats was pretty far down the list.

_Goats._

But there they were, prancing and skidding around his living room.

It was pretty funny, really. They were uncoordinated and all legs and they kept skidding with their gangly limbs into furniture.

“Anthony!” Thor exclaimed. “I hope you don't mind that I brought my tribe to movie night.”

“Tribe?” Tony asked, watching the small white goat fall into the Wii for at least the third time.

“That's what a group of goats is called,” Thor informed him.

“Right,” Tony managed. “Goats.”

Thor frowned. “You said it was alright for me to bring them here. Was I mistaken?”

“No,” Tony told him. “I just... I can't believe I didn't know. What are their names?”

Thor lit up, and clapped his hands. The goats nearly tripped over themselves _again_ in trying to get to him. There were four of them, and they lined up in front of him eagerly.

Thor pointed to the small white one first. “Penny.” He pointed to the black one. “Walter.” The large brown one was “Kenneth” and finally, the white one with darker patches was designated “Judy, after the wondrous singer who travelled beyond the rainbow.”

“Right,” Tony said. “Are they watching the movie with us?”

“Aw man, Thor has goats?” Clint gaped, apparently arriving.

“Obviously,” Natasha muttered.

Bruce wandered in then, and the black one, Walter, scurried over to him. “Hey bud,” he cooed.

“Oh, so Bruce knew,” Tony muttered.

“What?” Steve asked from the doorway. “Oh. _Oh._ Well, I feel better about Meg now.”

Tony only sighed, and pushed Judy off the couch so he could sit down.

“I don't want to know,” he told them.

 

* * *

 

One morning, Tony was distracted from his cereal and coffee by what was a terrifyingly shrill scream. First he assumed it was Natasha, because it was so high pitched, but when he ran to see what the problem was, he found Clint perched on a table, his eyes wide with horror.

“Clint?” Tony asked.

Clint looked at him. “It's so big,” he whimpered.

Tony followed his gaze to the floor, where an enormous spider was indeed sitting.

He definitely _didn't_ shriek, but there was some yelling, and he jumped onto the table with Clint.

“How did that get in here?” he whispered, horrified. “Oh my god, if we survive this, I'm rewriting all of the protocols for Jarvis to deal with bugs.”

Clint only whimpered as the spider scurried slightly closer.

Natasha appeared then, knives in hand, her hair still sticking up from sleep.

“Where's the threat,” she asked immediately, spotting the two of them.

Clint pointed with a shaky hand, and Tony nodded.

Natasha looked at the spider. She looked back at them.

“That is the threat,” she said flatly.

They both nodded.

She looked disgusted, and hissed something in Russian that Tony didn't understand, but that Clint apparently did, because he looked horrified.

“No Nat, you have to help us!”

She chuckled, shaking her head, and walked away.

“We're going to be trapped up here forever,” Tony whispered.

Clint nodded solemnly.

 

Thankfully, it was only a few minutes before the next team member came along.

It was Bruce, looking slightly upset.

“Hey guys, have you seen- Betty!” he exclaimed, scooping the spider into his hands.

Tony and Clint glanced at each other.

“Betty?” Tony asked.

Bruce looked up at them, the spider sitting comfortably in his hands. Tony shivered slightly.

“What are you doing up there?” he asked, frowning.

Clint pointed at the spider.

Bruce glanced between the spider, Betty, and them.

“You're on the table because you're... afraid of her?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

Bruce smiled. “Oh, that's just silly. She's a tarantula. She'd much rather run away than she would hurt you.” He stroked her gently with a finger. “Are you alright?” he asked her, sounding concerned. He began to leave the room.

“That's your pet?” Tony managed to ask.

Bruce turned back, frowning. “Yeah. It's not a problem, is it?”

Tony considered it.

“No,” he said, sighing. “Just... don't let her escape again, okay?”

“Of course,” Bruce agreed.

He turned to leave, still cooing at the spider in his palm.

 

When he was gone, Tony and Clint turned to look at each other.

“We never speak of this,” Clint said.

“Agreed,” Tony said immediately, getting down off the table.

 

* * *

 

To be fair, Tony only went onto Clint's floor because Jarvis told him that Clint was in distress, and that they were the only two in the Tower.

“You sure about this J?” Tony asked, peering around Clint's living room. There was no sign of him. “Where is he?”

“Agent Barton is in the washroom.”

“Um, J, why are you monitoring people in the washroom. We are not supposed to do that.”

“Agent Barton requested assistance, but did not specify what for.”

“Ugh, fine,” Tony muttered, knocking on the washroom door.

“Yeah, just come in,” Clint called.

Tony shielded his eyes and walked in. “I'm coming in, please tell me you are not naked and trapped in some sort of weird sex device.”

“God no Tony, come on, open your eyes, look I need help.”

Tony lowered his hand. It was almost worse than he'd expected. Clint was struggling with a giant turtle that was in the bathtub, and looked almost desperate to get out. If turtles could look desperate. Tony wasn't sure about that.

“Um... with that?”

“I can normally lift him out on my own, but I dislocated my shoulder on the last mission, and I can't lift him out now. Can you help?”

Tony blinked at the large animal. “Sure.”

“Great, you grab him by the back. Don't lift him by the legs, it'll hurt him. Reach under his shell and be gentle.”

Tony did as ordered, and together, they heaved the turtle out of the bathtub.

The turtle, seemingly with a mind of his own, headed off out of the washroom, probably to get into trouble.

Tony turned back to Clint. “What the hell is that.”

“Clyde? He's a tortoise. I mean, is that not obvious?”

“Obvious, yeah, but still... he's _huge._ ”

Clint wiped his hands on a towel. “Yep. And he's not entirely full grown yet. He could get even bigger.”

“How the hell did I not notice you had this on your floor?” Tony muttered, stepping out of the bathroom to watch Clyde head towards a partly opened door. He shoved it open with his head and let himself in.

Tony peered in the room, Clint behind him.

“That's why,” he said.

Inside, the room was filled with everything a tortoise could possibly need. Probably. He assumed so.

“You know I could have helped with this Clint? I'm kind of rich. It's what I do.”

Clint shrugged, watching Clyde headbutt a pile of large colourful blocks. They toppled over.

“Not sure you'd be cool with having an animal that was pretty much the weight of Thor.”

“It is not,” Tony scoffed.

Clint shrugged again. “Yet,” he said, his eyes gleaming.

Tony held his hands up in mock surrender. “Well, you have fun with that. I'm going to leave before he tries to eat me. Or something.”

Clint scoffed. “Whatever.”

Tony shook his head, walking away quickly. Could no one have normal pets in this house?

Well, considering his company, probably not.

 

* * *

 

Natasha's pet was probably the most normal out of all of them, but was still surprising.

Tony never expected Natasha, the terrifying assassin who could kill a man with her legs alone, to have a tiny kitten as a pet.

And yet, it made so much sense.

 

Anastasia was a small ginger kitten with green eyes. Her fur was silky soft and medium length and she was ridiculously cute. Tony only admitted that to himself though.

 

Tony only found out about her because Natasha had gone on a mission, and then Clint had gone on a mission. Apparently he took care of the cat when she was gone, but when they were both gone, it became an issue. (Tony didn't even want to know what happened to the turtle when Clint was gone, but he sure as hell wasn't going to ask.)

 

So Jarvis summoned him up to Natasha's floor, stating that her pet needed assistance. Tony didn't know what to expect. A scorpion? Some sort of Russian monster of legend? An alligator?

He certainly wasn't expecting a small ball of fluff that mewed pitifully at him.

“Oh my god Jarvis. What is that,” he deadpanned, staring at it.

“That is Anastasia. She is a cat.”

“I know that Jarvis, but... I really didn't expect Natasha to have a cat.”

“Indeed sir. Agent Romanoff has left instructions for her care. She most likely needs to be fed first, and then played with.”

“Played with?”

“Yes, there are a number of toys in a box on the shelf in her room. But food first.”

Tony shook his head, but headed to the kitchen where Jarvis told him the cat food was kept. The kitten followed him, mewing the whole time. It was annoying, but also adorable.

He scooped some disgusting smelling cat food into a dish and set it down in front of her. She practically climbed into the dish in her haste to eat it, and licked at it with her tongue eagerly.

 

Tony sat on the floor, cross-legged next to the kitten, and watched her eat.

When she finished licking the bowl clean, she examined Tony carefully. Apparently finding him acceptable, she climbed into his lap, using little spears to cling to his jeans.

She began purring.

Tony sighed. “You are pretty cute.” He scratched her chin and rubbed her ears, and she only purred louder.

“I like you a lot better than Thor's goats or Clint's turtle or Bruce's spider.” He shuddered.

She purred at him again.

They stayed like that for a while, until Anastasia fell asleep in his lap, still purring.

And if he showed up on Natasha's floor to visit her once in a while, even if he didn't need to take care of her, well, no one commented. Wisely.

 

* * *

 

By the time Tony met Steve's pet, he really had no expectations or preconceived notions, because really, after a spider, a group of goats, a giant tortoise, and a kitten, he had no clue what to expect from Steve.

If he'd had to guess, Steve really seemed like a dog guy. Captain America with a golden retriever would be the ultimate public image.

But no. Steve went and got himself some sort of... rodent.

 

“She's a ferret,” Steve sighed.

“Whatever that is, it looks like a rodent,” Tony retorted.

“They're related to weasels.”

“Oh, that makes me feel better,” Tony muttered. “Well, whatever. Your pet. Does she have a name? I mean, she probably does, but are you going to share with the class?”

“Meg. Her name is Meg.”

 

Tony reached his fingers out for her to sniff. She nipped at him, but didn't bite.

“Good girl Meg,” Steve cooed. To Tony, he added “We're working on not biting, so consider yourself lucky,”

Tony yanked his hand back and glared at her suspiciously. “You should have said that before.”

Steve smiled, and held out his hand for Meg to climb back up.

Tony regarded her suspiciously. She was kind of cute, a reddish brown colour, with intelligent eyes. If rodents could have intelligent eyes.

 

“She's cinnamon coloured,” Steve informed him. “And ferrets are very intelligent.”

“This is the pet you always wanted?” Tony asked. Did they even have ferrets in the thirties?

Steve shrugged. “I always wanted a pet. This is just the one I fell in love with.”

Meg curled herself around Steve's neck and clung on like a scarf.

“Weird,” Tony muttered.

 

* * *

 

“I refuse to have a pet picnic,” Tony stated, flat out.

Thor sagged. “But it would be a great endeavour. I wish to communicate between all the animals so they can become friends.”

“Right. Allspeak.”

Thor nodded.

“Why do we keep forgetting that?” Clint muttered.

“It's still not happening,” Tony repeated. “Too much of a risk. What if Clyde steps on Betty? What if Meg tries to eat her? What if the goats terrify Anastasia? Not happening.”

“It will be fine,” Thor asserted. “I will ensure they understand what is happening and that they must take care with each other.”

Tony shook his head.

“Tony's just jealous because we all have pets and he doesn't,” Clint pointed out.

“Not true,” Tony retorted. “I do have pets. Well, a pet, specifically.”

Practically in tandem, everyone turned to look at him.

“Really?” Natasha asked. She sounded skeptical.

“Yeah. Why is that such a surprise?”

“You just don't seem like a pet person Tony,” Steve replied.

Tony crossed his arms defensively. “Well, you're wrong about that.”

“You have a pet?” Natasha asked, raising an eyebrow, holding Anastasia closer.

“Yeah. You guys all have then, so I figured I might as well.” He shrugged.

Natasha and Clint glanced at each other. “So what is it?” she asked.

Tony grinned. “Gabby, come here!” he bellowed.

The rest of them looked around.

“Give her a second.”

The elevator dinged a moment later, and out rolled a small robot that looked rather like an armadillo. It was short and round and close to the ground. It rolled right up to Tony's feet and started vibrating. He picked it up and set it in his lap.

“Guys, this is Gabby. Say hello.”

No one said anything.

“You're hurting her feelings,” Tony whispered loudly. And indeed, in his lap, she had stopped vibrating.

Thor spoke first. “Why did you name her after the action of speaking excessively if she cannot talk?”

“She mews, chirps, purrs, and ribbits,” Tony defended, looking somewhat hurt.

“She's... a robot,” Clint pointed out.

“Umm, yeah. Good observation _Hawkeye._ Gabby is indeed a robot. What did you expect?”

Steve shrugged.

Tony sighed. “Did you guys honestly think I'd have anything besides a robotic pet? I barely remember to feed myself. Gabby here takes care of herself, more or less, but will still come when I call, fetch me my newspaper, if I used newspapers, and sit with me on the couch. She's perfect.”

“She really is,” Natasha conceded after a moment.

Tony beamed.

 

“Still a no on the pet party?” Clint asked after a moment.

Tony only laughed at him.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Tony,” Clint said conversationally one morning at breakfast. “So I have this chicken, and I was thinking of bringing her here. Would that be okay?”

“Um, no.”

Clint sighed and pulled out his phone. “Sorry Rosetta, Tony said no.”

Clucking could be heard from the other end.

Tony just shook his head.

 


End file.
